


Stay

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Friendship/Love, Gen, Healing, Past Violence, Rape Aftermath, Sexual Assault, Tag to 1x15, Trauma, Trigger Warnings, tag to 2x06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 19:12:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8590291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: The fear and blame that society continued to place on victims of assault, pure violence and attempted murder, or rape, as with Joy, haunted Malaya. During the girl's case during those hours, Malaya stays and thinks of her own experience.





	

_Stay  
_

She was just a girl. A girl of eighteen.

When Malaya looked at her, she saw herself. The image of her bleeding, hands torn and her fingernails worn bloody were fixed – right there, in her heart. It had not yet been a year since Gordon had attacked her – and had killed the director of the ER Dr. Perello, and yet…

The fear and blame was still there.

Malaya could hear herself talk as the young girl spoke. It pained Malaya’s heart that she thought that it was her fault. As a woman, and as a human being – it was pure agony. Her attacker – no, her rapist, had forced himself upon her, and yet the mainstream society still blamed the victim.

It wasn’t supposed to still be 1895.

Jesse had told her that Gordon had taken advantage of her kindness. He had twisted it into something else, something too terrible to name. _“I was trying to be polite.”_ Malaya could feel herself going back to that moment, remembering of how Jesse had told her that he loved her. Words wouldn’t help the girl now. It wouldn’t – not until she understood through the understanding that came with time.

That was Malaya’s mistake. She had allowed Gordon for many months to stay with her. She had allowed him to take control over her thoughts and memories. Every night, Malaya did not feel safe unless she was in her own bed. Sometimes it felt that her hands weren’t her own. Malaya kept on seeing Gordon’s hands instead of hers. It was a nightmare – every time Malaya breathed, the memories of that day in the garage kept resurfacing, violently repressing any good emotion she had left.

 Malaya didn’t heal alone. She had Jesse, of course, and Angus. The second-year resident bit her lip. She could never tell the male resident of how utterly grateful she was that he was able to stop Gordon from any more violence. Angus had saved her from getting beaten, raped, or dead – and Malaya didn’t think she could ever repay him for what he did. The dark-haired woman had tried to connect with Angus after Mike’s fall. But his sadness, and his decomposing sanity left with each moment Malaya was unable to protect him from his own demons. A small smile lifted on Malaya’s lips. According to Mario, Mike had finally woken up from his coma. It seemed that since the surgery to remove bones that had been pressuring his spinal cord, he was doing okay. _Angus will be okay,_ she thought. Her friend had been different these past few months. He had stopped smiling since Mike’s fall, and hadn’t talked to her – at all.

Malaya remembered of the smile that Mario had given her when he had told her the news. It was a smile that she hadn’t seen before – a pure smile, one in which your face in danger of breaking because of the too-widened smile. _His smile is surprisingly nice. I never thought I would get to see that._ It had been better than the week before, when Mario appeared dazed and slightly stumbled out of the morgue. His eyes had been red and his face blotchy. Malaya had been stunned when she had heard from Noa that Mario’s father had died, and he had been the one to make the call. Mario had never mentioned his family. It seemed to be a topic that Malaya had noted that Mario didn’t want to talk about, given of how tight-lipped he was about everything. But when she saw Angus drawing Mario closer to him as they left the hospital, their shoulders slightly bumping, Malaya had hoped that Angus would provide the comfort that Mario had given to him the months before Mike had woken up.

Mario had watched over her during the night. Malaya had tried to protest that she was fine and didn’t need anyone to bother with sitting with her after dark, but Mario had simply given her a look and told her that it was fine. _“Sleep.”_ His voice was kind, as if their friction as residents had never happened. _“I’ll wake you if you ever have any dreams.”_ It was Neal who often was there when Malaya woke up from a nightmare – the attending insisted. Sometimes, it seemed to her that the English doctor could understand what she was thinking before she even knew herself. _I miss him._ She missed Christa as well. Angels – especially with the death of Charlotte – seemed different without the soft laughter that followed the two doctors when they thought no one could see them. Heartbreak, and misunderstandings had broken them apart. But now, according to Dr. Rorish, the two were at the honeymoon phase again. Malaya could still remember the kind strength that Dr. Rorish gave her after her attack – her giving her all the time that she needed to recover, and telling her that she didn’t need to tell the suits of what had happened when Gordon had assaulted her.

The soft humming and signing that had eased out of Neal’s mouth was something that Malaya wouldn’t forget. She had asked Christa about it once, during her many visits to her hospital room. The blond resident had said that Neal hadn’t ever said that he could sing – but she wasn’t surprised that he had soothed Malaya to sleep after her nightmares. Christa had brought her home-cooked meals – comforting food of carbohydrates and the best macaroni and cheese Malaya had ever had. And sometimes, Christa would comb her hair as Malaya would cry, not saying a word as the memories of the desperation and terror became too much.

Perhaps Malaya wouldn’t get the closure that Joy, would have at facing her rapist when time came. But…

Joy had held onto the hand of her rescuer, as he was still unconscious and attached to a ventilator. Malaya had been told by hers that Gordon was dead.

_“It’s over.”_

But it wasn’t.

Taking a breath, Malaya reached forward and took Joy’s hand in her own. They were back in her hospital room, and Malaya was supposed to be going now, to see her other patients. _I need to be there for her._ The girl looked up in surprise – a small “o” framing her expression as she realized what was happening.

“I will be here as long as you need me,” Malaya said, hoping that her voice conveyed the emotion that she had and hiding the tremor in her voice.

Joy nodded. Her head slightly titled forward, and backward again, until tears began to spill from her eyes. Her grip was hard – hard enough to break Malaya’s phalanges, but the doctor didn’t let go.

Joy needed her as much as Malaya needed someone back then.

She would stay.

**Author's Note:**

> This episode struck a cord within me. I decided to post this story. 1895 referred in the story is the year Oscar Wilde, a well-known British author, was tried for "gross indecency," homosexuality. This remark is to pay homage to Malaya's lesbian status, and the fact that women were treated horribly - to the present day as well.


End file.
